Why did I ever decide to become a writer? Wouldn’t it have been easier to become a fire fighter or a flying trapeze artist or an open-heart surgeon?

So recently when a friend told me she wondered how memoirists give themselves permission to tell their stories, I understood her question. This is what I told her:

The process of writing gives writers the courage to write. When writers encounter the voice inside that tells them, “You can’t say that!” they may talk to that voice. They may say, “Well, why the heck not?” Or they may ignore that voice. Sometimes they will set the work aside until they can go on.

Tell Your Story: Permission Granted

Giving yourself permission to tell your story is a process. In the beginning you might tell yourself that you’re just exploring, you’re not going to show anyone your work until you’re ready, you’re simply following this urge that you have that’s swelling up inside you to share your experience, you’re writing only for yourself for now.

As you go on, just write as much of the story as you can and when you hit a wall, when it’s too stressful to continue, stop and take a walk or do a dance or call a friend. Put the work aside for a little while and come back to it. When you come back to it, often you’ll find that it’s not so scary and you’ll wonder why it seemed so terrifying last week or last month or last year.

Writing is about taking risks, but you don’t have to push yourself further than you’re willing to go. You just do what you can, keep writing, go deeper when you’re ready.

Writing is about discovery. As you write, you’ll discover what you mean to say.

Writing is about letting yourself not know the answers, letting yourself make mistakes, focusing on the process rather than the results you anticipate.

Stay present as much as possible. Listen for your writing voice. Don’t try to contemplate the whole shape of this work now; just look at a little section at a time.

Better Questions to Write From

On my unscheduled days, I feel a whole lot better when I take questions like Can I really write? Why is writing so hard? Does anyone care what I have to say? and restate them in these terms: What would happen if I gave myself fifteen minutes to write right now? What if I wrote without concern for outcomes? What if I just stayed in the moment, talked to myself, asked myself questions I can have fun answering, questions that don’t bear the weight of judgment, questions that invite me to explore?

Sometimes asking myself better questions is all I need to do to find my writing focus and turn my day around.

What are the best questions you’ve asked yourself this week? How do you give yourself permission to write?

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